I wouldn’t actually go through with it….

I sit here this evening with tears in my eyes. I did not wake up this way, nor do I know the reason for my tears. I cant pinpoint what it is that makes me sad all the time. I cant even figure out for the life of me what to write. I just know that I am so unhappy. I wouldn’t dare kill myself though….

Well at least, I wouldn’t actually go through with it. I have thoughts sometimes. I think the world doesn’t need me. I don’t think Im that great of a person. There honestly wouldn’t be too many people saddened by my absence. The weight of my sadness measures up to maybe a group of people’s sadness. Therefore, the amount of people I’d hurt will still be less than the amount of me hurting.

Things are truly not that bad. Im sure there are those out there who knows far greater pain that I may ever know. Yet, that still doesn’t stop me from hating it all. I hate the process of my sadness. I hate having to feel something and not know the cause of such feelings. It drives me insane to have to fake happy and fake mad when really Im just sad as hell. Isn’t that something? I’d rather be all the other emotions than the one I really am inside.

 

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4 thoughts on “I wouldn’t actually go through with it….

  1. I’d like to think that everyone knows the magic and beauty of the world regardless of the darkness they’re surrounded by. Its merely a voluntary brief ignorance of such things. Nonetheless, the world in its entirety can never truly be ignored. My choosing to be pessimistic is perhaps an act of my optimism.

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