is she capable of happiness?

19 years on this planet and I still have no clue what makes me happy. I’ve dabbled in a few things that I enjoy doing, but none of which makes me happy. I honestly don’t even know what happiness begins with. I’m not sure if I’d even know how to identify it if I ever found it. Whenever I feel good inside, it just feels so fake to me. I believe I am incapable of being happy. Its not like I force it or anything, but my “happiness” just doesn’t feel natural. Is happiness even a thing or is it bits and pieces of good moments? Can I really achieve ultimate happiness? I’m probably asking for way too much anyways.

Writing, I feel as though I write because I’m good at it and not because it makes me happy. Believe it or not, writing has been the only thing people would tell me I was good at. I guess that’s why I don’t know what makes me happy. I’ve always listened to other people and tackled what they said I was good at. I never explored other things to even know whether or not it made me happy. Now that I think about it, nothing probably would’ve made me happy anyways. I probably would’ve started it and quit like I do everything else, says everyone else.

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