Can she really write?

images (1)Am I a writer? Is this something I truly enjoy doing? Am I even any good at it? Where do I even start? What do I write about? Is this even really a “thing”?

To be honest, I’m not even sure if I structured that correctly. Its been said that writers know how to structure their sentences. Sadly for me, I cant recall the rules of writing. I didn’t get to learn any writing rules past freshman year of high school since I checked out shorty after. Looking back on it, I wish I could’ve stuck around to learn all the rules of writing. Now, its like I want to get better at something I barely know about. How can I improve myself when I don’t know where to start? Whenever I think about writing, I get all optimistic and hopeful of my future. For some reason, I have this insane idea that I’ll someday write and publish my very own book.  You know, all I’ve ever heard growing up was how much of an amazing writer I was. I even won the Young Author’s Award two years in a row at my elementary school against kids much older than I was. I know you all are thinking, how amateur of me to mention that. I mean I was pretty young, but that experience challenged something far more greater in me. I began to explore this so called talent all the teachers in my school would tell me I had. Ms.Coleman used to always tell me “Sarafina, you have a gift and I want to see you use it to tell your story.”

Being ten years old, I never understood what my story had to do with my writing until I got older. I would always tell myself that no matter how long I stopped to always continue writing. Somewhere along the road, I stopped listening to myself.

After dropping out of school, I would find myself always writing…. for someone else. If it wasn’t my best friend’s research paper, it was my older brother’s college essay. I’m talking about countless words being written, none of which intrigued me at all. I wrote because I knew I could, not because I wanted to. I began to fall unhappy with just writing to give other people good grades while I whither away my own thoughts, scared to write them out of fear of having nothing to say. Whenever they would have an assignment, I would have instructions and guidelines to follow. When I decided I was going to write for myself, I became brain mute.

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2 thoughts on “Can she really write?

  1. Hi Sarafina. I believe someone has said this before:

    “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

    Then again, your words here just strike me:

    “..none of which intrigued me at all. I wrote because I knew I could, not because I wanted to”

    Seriously, why not choosing something that would make you feel good about yourself. Or, at the very least, something you like doing it. Have a good time figuring it out. 🙂 Cheers!

    • Firstly, thanks for the feedback! As you can see, I wrote and published this post almost 3 years ago. Fortunately for our species, we SHOULD be getting wiser the more life we experience.
      I now know that I was given my words for a purpose and although at times I dont know exactly where this whole thing will take me. I cant shake this feeling that this is what Im supposed to be doing, no matter the outcome. I won’t lie, its still all a little confusing, but the only difference now is I fell back in love with the craft. Lastly, welcome to my blog where I sometimes think too out loud,

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