I never asked for you

Dear you,
Nobody asked you to get me attached to you. I would be lying if I said that I asked God for you. You were never apart of my plan. How rude of you? To interrupt my lonely and release that cage of butterflies? How dare you call me beautiful and crawl into my box with me? Why do you listen to me when I scream and yell at you? Whenever I’m upset, why can you feel my frustrations? You never make me feel less than I am and you’re always happy when I’m around you.
I swear to God, I never asked for you. I didn’t think you existed for me. I wasn’t quite sure if they made you in my size.
You invading me was different because I didn’t think anyone could see through the special door I had up. I had been bothered before you. I got it renovated after storms wore them down one by one. I finally got a special new door that I thought was indestructible, and here it turns out your hurricane was sufficient. Your storm happened to be one unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. It wasn’t predicted or felt upon arrival. It took time for me to feel the damages and you were cool with that. You never got discouraged when your winds didn’t move me.
You were patient and that I resented about you. I wasn’t important and there was nothing extravagant about me, yet you stuck around as if I was. Are you mad? Do you know you ruined my miserable and your desire to “pursue” me ruined my one man show. You never pressured me to feel you back. You didn’t care whether things were mutual because you had already cared enough for the both of us. You never asked if I wanted to have moments of sincere happiness. You didn’t care if I wasn’t into smiling often. I’m sure you couldn’t have cared less that I hated being touched and kissed softly on my forehead. I didn’t have time to tell you, that I sucked at being cute. I cant remember telling you that I was so used to myself. I didn’t want someone else to have the pleasure of meeting me. My box was the perfect square feet for me alone.

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wholeheartedly shattered

Where the shadows of my laughter stands tall and the scent of my desires grow potent is where I long to be

Where the magic of my prayers and the commitment to my smile resides, is where I haven’t been in a while

Even when they hear the gossip of my nightmares, will they accept me

When the windows of my innocence are shattered, may they never forget me

what if my love one day soon wants to join them

what if love wants more than I can give

whether I left them or they left me, I cant answer that.

I do know that they’ve left and I had to build me up

only to be shattered by the harsh reality of my missing pieces

They do not call nor do they check in

you may ask how does one exist with so much missing pieces

when you’re wholeheartedly shattered, the spaces begin to grow on you…….literally.